I stayed in my room since I had just barely woken up and didn’t feel like putting on a bra, but I was able to hear a lot of what was going on. My sister (who, if you’re a new follower or if you haven’t been paying attention, is mentally disabled) was roaming around the house like she just don’t care, as usual, in her Garfield pajamas. And when she came into the living room, where my mom and the new neighbors were, my mom had Marlies say hello to the new neighbors, then she just went on her merry way. My sister speaks on her own, though not very clearly and it’s often about cartoons, or quotes from Disney movies and kid shows, so a lot of the time we have to say things and get her to mimic us.

What I noticed today, though, was that after Marlies went by, the conversation just resumed as normal. My mom didn’t make any mention of my sister being special needs (I mean, when you meet her, it’s pretty obvious) and the neighbor didn’t say anything or ask any questions. I didn’t see the expression on his or his son’s faces, but from what I could tell, it wasn’t even a thing. Which is really pretty nice.

I always wonder, though, whenever Marlies meets someone new, what is the other person thinking? Have they ever met or been around someone like her before? Do they feel sorry for us, or for her?

I think about what it would have been like if Marlies didn’t have a mental disability. I think about it all the goddamn time. What her interests would be, what her sense of humor would be like, how she would have done in school. Maybe we’d be close, or maybe we’d hate each other. Maybe she’d be married by now. But then I quickly realize that it’s pointless to think of the “what ifs” because I’ll never know. And wondering about it only makes me feel depressed and guilty because really, my sister is pretty great. Sometimes I just wish I could have had the “normal” sibling experience, like everybody else. I wish I could have had a big sister to talk to, to get mad at over stupid shit, to laugh with, to thoroughly annoy. It’s weird to me that I’ll never know what that’s like. Something so basic.

There’s really no point to this. It’s just a long way of saying that our neighbors also made us cupcakes and they’re super good.